roadsidekillings

laying in the strip of grass
roadside
a body sunken
the corpse of a possum struck from the
sky, now flat and resting
settling in for the long sleep
it’s exciting when they change the ad posters
at the bus stops
in this suburb
makes you feel less
deserted
neighborhoods have a funny way of
doing that
they hold you so close and tight
you begin quickly
to feel isolated
nobody really lives here
they are all pretending
to be wives, to be husbands, to be daughters, to be sons, and dogs, and old couples across the street
when I pretend, i pretend to be dead

roadsidekillings

Angel: (1)

when i was a child/an angel fell into my bedroom/covered in eyes/

i din’t know anything about blood/beauty or/isolation/

but i knew about keeping birds/i took my scissors and/clipped all six of its/

wings

angel made no sound at all/all it did was stare with its body of eyes/

i had a very strong feeling that it/was trying to peel itself open/

such a desire to be flat and thin like paper/

 

Angel: (1)

Recollection (Gag-Reel)

the first real recollection/is in the bed

i don’t really remember back any further/your breath was like sour medicine

(except it wasn’t medicine)

the next taste, was vomit, my stomach bulged over the top of my trousers,

the second recollection/is setting the gin on the bedside table

…i don’t feel so good…

the third recollection/is the light and the questions/because

you can’t stop now

shaking my head and saying i’m fine

your brain was once really interesting to me/but everything (the whole world)became a little more/sad, when you said,

if your stomach is bothering you i’ll show you how to activate your gag reflex, once you vomit you’ll feel better,

once you vomit you can finish that drink

the fourth recollection/is the numbing fear, filling my chest, like drowning, like why would you say that

in the dark i found the ocean and tried to drown myself because you are the kind of people i fall in love with all the time   

Recollection (Gag-Reel)

sun god

its very hard to speak when?

your mouth is full of light

open wide and say

I CANT SEE ANYTHING BECAUSE THE LIGHT COMES FROM ME AND IT HURTS LIKE PULLING OUT SPLINTERS

the dentist laughs and puts that thing in your mouth that sucks (a black hole)

then he mumbles

you’ve some nasty green aurora stuck in your front teeth 

he scraps with the scraping thing

you have some solar flares growing on your gums, but some bonjela should fix that up in no time 

he pauses, his hands still

and looks your wisdom teeth are about ready to pull out

he laughs to himself

its finally happening

all of you struggles and shines but hands come in their thousands/hold your mouth open

nobody cares if they are blind///he reaches inside///angles the man-made for leverage///pulls and there is a pop pop pop///you turn to burning other and they scream///the dentist pulling away with the prize of man///then suddenly they all leave and with them the light from your eyes

the rest of your teeth are afraid; they burrow back into your skull till they pop out the other side, and shine shine shine out the back of your mind.

the darkness is brimming

the darkness is so total

YOU SPIN AND SPIN LIKE A LIGHTHOUSE, TO BREAK IT WIDE OPEN

(AKA, a star)

sun god

when i was small i did not have friends i had flowers and plants

the hardware store was like a kingdom with all of that stretching up

WAREHOUSE

i was afraid of god and kings

tiny feet would find themselves outside with the plants

PLEASE CAN I GET A ROSE DAD I PROMISE TO WATER IT EVERY SINGLE DAY I PROMISE I PROMISE I PROMISE

my fathers eyes are like a graveyard

no

PLEASE I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT

he picks it up and gives it to me, buys a small watering can

in the car ride home i hold the rose close

WE ALL REMEMBER BEING TAUGHT ABOUT CARBON DIOXIDE AND PHOTOSYNTHESIS BY THAT TEACHER WHO HATED US

holding fast and close i breathe out towards the rose, my sister asks what i am doing

giving the rose some carbon dioxide

what i should have said was

trying desperately to form a symbiotic relationship with the plant so if i kill it by accident i will die too and learn my lesson

the rose died within a week

when i was small i did not have friends i had flowers and plants

queen/drama

over the phone is easiest/my mother always said i would make a good actor

my eyes rest easily on the floor/my mother always said i went crazy when people visited

i say yes, i would love to meet you today/my mother always said i was a drama queen

BUT ALONE I HOLD THE SILENCE BETWEEN MY EVER PARTING LIPS

MY MOUTH OPENS SO WIDE I TURN INSIDE OUT THAT IS WHAT WE CALL PANIC

MY HANDS FUMBLE IN THE BATHROOM CUPBOARDS AND FIND THE REMEDY

i paint my lips with deep red blood/my mother caught me once trying to be a lion

the only difference is that now, i feel obliged/said i would fool the world

 

queen/drama

you only visit me in my dreams, where i can’t beat the daylights out of you

why is it that when
sun dips
into dark ponds
i let you back into my bed
with no recall
of the damage that
you caused
i don’t want to die young
i don’t want to die
sunless
in the dark
every night
you slowly remove my vertebrae
smiling
laughing
//i wake up paralyzed//

 

you only visit me in my dreams, where i can’t beat the daylights out of you